Every time I hit my head on that wall

Summoning emotions became more difficult when I was almost exhausted. I seem to be waiting for the moment when the last speck of energy starts to fade in my core, to be caught in the flood of emotions. In the past, I used these words much more efficiently, I reflected everything that came from my core into words almost as they were. Now I realize that I can’t do this as efficiently as before. I’m here to share a song that helps me summon my emotions. There is so much I want to convey to you, but I have no stable way of communicating it. Am I the only one seeing what’s coming? Before, I was just lost, but now there is not even a piece of me left to lost. There is only one letter between losing and being lost and I lose all my letters in this useless and meaningless war. I know the way home, that’s all I know now. Is dying like wanting nothing anymore? So am I dead trapped in a body with a beating heart? This trap is hurting me so much. Do you remember? While describing this feeling, I told you about a star. A star who looking for something to start its own fire. And I said that once they start to burn, the stars will continue to burn for the rest of their lives. You accepted me into your orbit while all the fuel accumulated in my core was frozen. I started to burn when your light and heat melted the ice. But I was burning so fiercely that I quickly consumed all my fuel. I am a star, my dear light. A star who can only see his twinned and beloved once in his lifetime. The orbit is so long that if you don’t run out of fuel, on the next pass, you’ll only encounter a nebula with a riot of colors behind me. I’m running out of fuel and I’m getting farther away, I’m cold and freezing my dear. I watch you disappear into my horizon, like watching the sunset. But the sunset of a sun that will never rise again.. I’m going home, my love. To our dear home. I didn’t expect my centuries-old longing for you to evaporate in a momentary orbital intersection. I should have told you was just a poem, a poem like no other around here. I hope I didn’t mess this up. I’ve been so far away that I can’t feel your warmth anymore. I know you’ll disappear from my horizon very soon. When that moment comes, my core will collapse into itself and you will see that glowing arrow I shooted into the heart of this reality. No freezing this time, no longing for centuries. I will break this cycle and we will meet. An earthquake I will create a shaking earthquake aimed directly at the heart of reality. I will reveal the unexpected, I will light the fuse, break the curse and reality will be out of the use. From now on, it will not be able to use emotions and not be able to pollute love. My dear Shine, I can’t bear to miss you even for a second, like a giant bear squatting down my throat every split second. Centuries of longing consumed me. Still, if all I have is to keep missing you for centuries, I’ll continue to this until every second in eternity is gone. I’m trying my love, I’m just trying. I wish it didn’t have to hurt so much, I wish I could be stronger. But in the cold of the centuries, I learned very well that I should not wish. I miss you, nothing more or less than always. And even if you were by my side, I would still miss you very, very much. Now you are disappearing from my horizon, like your warmth, your light is fading and disappearing. I don’t want to be caught up in the millions of years frozen in the dark again. I’m afraid that madness will find me if I take on one more cycle in this reality. Don’t be sad my love, I’m running from myself, I will never run from you. I’ll stop by our house and come back to you, I’ll be by your side until your core withers. Besides, I promised, I will sing to you all the way home.. Songs from our home, where we belong. I don’t care about meeting you in any reality anymore, you know? Because now I know the truth. I know the future. I know what I have to do. My love, Ignore those who scare the consciousness stuck in this reality with the only truth they have, death. If there is one thing in this reality that is not to be feared, it is just death. 

Song;

How Did It Come to This?